THE BIGGEST RACKET

So since the strange happenings in California we've had another few shows and another wonderful day off. We left Fresno and headed to Bend, OR on our way to the first Alan Jackson date in Spokane, WA. We set up camp at a Hampton Inn next to a mall. Weather was a little chilly, but Bend was a cool place. Even on a Tuesday. A bunch of the guys went to the mall next door and hit the Macy's sale rack. We all went for a big dinner at the end of the night (with the exception of two guys who wandered into the local gentlemen's establishement). We went to a place called The Blacksmith. Aden had seen it on the Food Network, apparently it was named one of the Top 10 new restaurants in the world a couple years ago. It definitely lived up to the hype. I had the Rancher Ribye, a bone in 16 oz steak with a light BBQ glaze. It was great. I tried a couple other guys dishes, ML had the halibut in a cream sauce. It was unreal. We all got stuffed and jumped into the cab to head home. Right as we all climbed into the cabs, a call came thru the dispatcher to pick up a two patrons at Stars Strip Club and drop them at the tour buses at the Hampton Inn. Immediately we all knew that the two missing from dinner had their own adventures that evening. We returned to the buses and immediately busted them for their debauchery.

We rolled into Spokane and started our four Alan Jackson dates the next day. Spokane was good. We headed to Portland for Thursday's show. After the gig we loaded everyone up and headed to The Cellar, a cool basement bar in downtown Portland. When we arrived, there were only about 8 people int he bar, including this couple sitting in the corner making out.


After repeated lines like "I think he's gonna pork her, Dad!" and "Get a room!" and then Kline yanking a chair out from under the woman's feet, they'd had enough of our party and left. Just before they did, we pulled a joke and Alex and almost had him convinced that the guy in the picture was former Olympic ice skater Scott Hamilton and were trying to talk him into breaking their liplocks to ask for a picture. ML spoiled the joke and told him we were messing with him.

We laid low in Tacoma the next night in prep for our border crossing into Canada, which brings me to my big finish rant. There is no one in the world on a bigger power trip than border agents. Last night, after letting two buses of Alan's crew guys cross with no problem the border agents then began to get surly. They not only stopped Alan's bus and made him get out, they pulled all 16 of us off of the buses and made us go thru immigration. One of our guys had a Class C misdemeanor from 9 years ago and has successfully entered Canada three previous times, but this time they decided it was time to bend him over. They denied him admission even though he had papers showing his dismissal of the charges after probation was completed. They allowed him to enter, but made him pay $200 for a temporary admission permit. I attempted to smooth talk my way into an argument but they were having none of it, so i just pulled out the credit card and gave them the finger...well, in my mind, at least.

Nothing pisses me off more than over zealous border agents with nothing better to do than fuck with the people who have already jumped through hoops to do things the right way. I'm sure if we would have just driven by the checkpoint we would have made it back with no problems. That's what I get for being a stand up tour manager. I can't wait to do it all again tonight. Anyone detect the sarcasm?